2026 - New year new me

 Hello,

I have moved away from blogspot to https://mindlesstalk.bearblog.dev/. I love the project. I love the platform. See you there!

Final November thoughts

Good mornin'

I just woke up about half an hour ago, but I'm still in bed. Yesterday, I went to a few Christmas markets in Cologne, Germany, and had lots of fun. However, I feel like I am getting too old to walk around or stand around for 8 hours. Once I got home, I immediately crashed on the couch for like two hours. I'm 31, so maybe I just hadn't slept enough? I should be able to walk around for 8 hours.

Anyway, I am excited about going to the U.S. to spend time with my partner's family. I have never met such a stress-free family in my life before. It is sort of becoming my new happy place where I can pretty much turn into a cat and sleep and eat all day without a worry in the world. Man, I miss American food, ngl. If I stayed home during Christmas, I would definitely stress out about all sorts of things, from chores to what to cook for dinner.

Otherwise, I have been good. I've removed my fall decorations and replaced them with some winter decorations. I have decided to try and decorate for winter rather than for Christmas because I will not even be here for Christmas and I want to enjoy my decorations until February or even March. Maybe I will post some pictures later!

I keep realizing that, apart from YouTube, I have nothing else on my phone or computer that I "accidentally" spend a lot of time on. Now that I am free from the shackles of social media, I am trying to find some "mindful" activities to spend my time on every day. So far I've got my French book and my French magazine, a TBR list that has been waiting for me for a year, a German book that teaches you interesting things about German that even native speakers don't know or say wrong, and I even got a brilliant subscription, so that I can learn about stuff that interests me. I think that should be good enough for now. Plenty of things to do! 

My French lesson got postponed today from 10 am to 5 pm, so I think I am going to finally get up, make myself some tea and breakfast, and then read my French book. 

See you in December! 

November thoughts

Hi void,

I have been.... I don't know what I have been doing. Last time I was here, I talked about cheating on you with my phone, but even that I stopped. My life is just not that interesting and now that it's getting colder and I am home a lot more than usual, there really isn't much to talk about.

I kind of want a space online where I talk about things that I enjoy and things that I find interesting. The idea of this blog was to talk about whatever nonsense went through my head, but I can do that in my obsidian notes on my phone and just keep things somewhat organized and interesting in here. 

However, what should I write about? My interests right now are baking, learning French and... dunno... cleaning my home lol. I am not the type of person to have an opinion on everything, so I have nothing to say. I don't care that much about stuff. I've also been thinking a lot about documenting my life and maybe that is something I could do with my blog. I could document the nice and fun things in my life whenever they occur. If nothing happens for a month, then I can just give a sign of life and see what the following month has in store for us. 

I dunno. Right now I am drinking some hot chocolate I made that is way too rich and I need to dilute with some water. I think I am going to take a nap after this. See you next time.

October thoughts before November

Hi!  

I honestly don't know what my plan is with this blog. Sometimes, I want it to be semi-unfiltered thoughts that go right from my brain onto this digital paper, and other times, I want this to feel a little more thought out and structured. I dunno! 

Here's an update of what I have been up to or what's been new in my life.

Languages

I love learning languages or about languages. If I could, I would learn them all. This is something that I used to do. I would change the language I was learning like I changed my socks. Unfortunately, I don't have the energy or the time to do this again and it was never really productive. I'd know some grammar and a few words here and there, but I would not be able to use them for anything. 

This year, I decided to only study French for a whole year. I chose French because I had recently been to Luxembourg and France, where French would have come in handy. I once even could have used French in an airport in Phoenix, AZ, with this nice elderly woman who couldn't speak English very well. French has also been a language I have been in a love-hate relationship with. 

My instinct would be to tell myself that I should only focus on a language for a month before moving on to the next one. However, I decided to go for the entire year. This way, I would feel like I had all the time in the world to experiment and see what works or to just laze around while listening to French music. Something should stick in these 12 months! 

So what did I learn in the last 10 months? Well, not much, but French feels more familiar to me. Since I speak Romanian, English and some Spanish here and there, French is just a puzzle for me. I definitely have a better understanding of the French language than I did in January, but I have not gotten as far as I could have. I am now reading a crime novel at the A2 level that is intended for French learners, and I can understand about 80% of it. I can also follow French podcasts that are made for French speakers. 

The year is nearing towards its end and now would be the time when I could decide to change the language, but I am deciding not to. I will stick with French. I even am taking italki classes, so that I can practice speaking it with someone. I also have my French magazines and my French crime novels to immerse myself in the language with. I am going to attempt to be a more active than a passive learner, so that I can make French a part of my life by the end of 2026.

Biking

The rear wheel of my bike broke and I took my bike back to the store where I bought it from and now it's fixed. I believe that they had not assembled the bike properly when I bought it and me riding the bike caused it to break. Thankfully, all of this was still within warranty, so it didn't cost me anything. 

But man... I thought I was too fat to pedal lol. I used to be in the lowest gear possible and find biking extremely difficult. I would pedal for like 2 minutes, barely get anywhere and be all sweaty and out of breath. Now, I am in a way higher gear, I get way farther and faster and it feels like I am floating. This is great! Too bad it's been raining and cold all week, but hopefully I will catch a Saturday or Sunday where it doesn't rain and I can go for a little "bike walk" around the neighborhood. I am looking forward to biking more next year in the spring or the summer! 

My brain needs to be forced to focus

I have noticed the following:

1. I finish work at around 5 pm and kind of just chill on my phone or nap or whatever until 6

2. From 6-8 pm, I make and eat dinner, talk to my mom or do some chores

3. From 8-10 pm, I feel kinda sleepy, I waste my time watching youtube or I am just chatting with people

4. At 10 pm, I realize the day is almost over and I wanna do something before going to sleep. I want to learn something! I want to achieve something, but "ugh, I am soo tired and sleepy now!"

I have concluded that I cannot just trust my brain to focus on something like reading a book, learning some French or, dunno, coding or something else. I also am blaming short content videos for conditioning me to not want to do anything after a day of work, except for just consuming social media and forgetting that I exist.

This is why from 8 until 10 pm I am going to force myself to do one of the following

1. Read the current book I have on my TBR

2. Browse through my French magazine and translate the texts, read my French crime novel or watch French learning videos or listen to podcasts 

3. Code along some tutorials. I do not even need to think about what I am doing... just coding along.

4. I am subscribed to a Turkish learning channel that I find really interesting and structured. I wanna watch those and learn some Turkish

5. Practice using a piping bag with margarine. My cousin told me about this and it is something I desperately need to do because I always mess it up. 

This way, 8-10 is "focused me time." I have to do at least one of the 5 things. I can do other things as long as they are fun and not related to chores or even self care. I am treating this as a non negotiable thing that needs to be done. I need to teach my brain to focus on things again. I can do it while I work, so I should also be able to do it in my free time! 

Anyway, it's really late now and I am very sleepy... sooo good night! 

German expressions that confused me

 Hi! 

Back when I was a kid on a Friday fall afternoon... ok I have no introduction for this, so here is some German expressions that confused me at first.

Das ist nicht ohne

Word for word that means "that is not without." This makes absolutely no sense, but whenever you encounter this in the wild, you will quickly realize it refers to something being more difficult than it seems to be. Examples I could find on the internet are "Der Umzug ist nicht ohne" meaning "Moving is not so easy." 

Der Tisch, der kann schon was 

The table, he can already what. It helps if you know that the German word for "something" is "etwas," but Germans colloquially get rid of "et," and you are left with just "was," which in turn simply means "what." Therefore:

The Table, he can already something! Still nothing? Okay, well "he" refers to the table because table is a masculine word and you refer to it using "he." In German you can also imply what is meant by simply the verb "can" or "want" or whatever without the need of the second verb. "I can English," and "I want to Italy" are pretty understandable, but what the hell can a table do? Dunno, but it does it! So if a table can do something, that means it is impressive in a way, like it could be really heavy or really sturdy. Maybe the table is even nicht ohne when it comes to moving it!

Ich wünsch dir was

I wish you something. We learned in the previous example that "was" means "something." But what on Earth are we wishing whom? Well, something, duh! This expression is used mostly as a Abschiedsformel... um... what the hell is the word for this like when you wanna say "good bye." You say this to people you like whenever you part ways. According to whatever I could find on the internet, whenever you bid farewell to someone, you wish them something, like a good night, a good day, and so on, but in this case, you are just leaving open what you are wishing them. While this is quite efficient, my Romanian part of the brain assumed the worst, so this might be something I only wished my enemies... a passive aggressive something.

Na?

 (not lit.) "Sooo?" This one has to be the most confusing one. Usually it is accompanied by "wie geht's?", the German way of saying "how are you doing?", but sometimes it is just implied. The appropriate response to this is to tell them your entire life story and then look like a fool because, just like you never answer "How are you" in English genuinely, you also do not answer here. You simply say "Na?" back. Make sure to change the subject quickly, before you get hit with another "Naaa?" back by the same person. 

Ich hab' so ein'n Hals

I have such a neck! This means that you are angry. You are so angry... your neck is about to explode! Maybe, calm down a bit... 

Wird schon schief gehen

Will already crooked go! This literal translation, just like any other literal translation, is not fair. The word "schon" does not really mean "already," but rather makes the sentence feel more relaxed, like everything is okay regardless of everything. Schief does mean crooked, but in this case "schiefgehen" refers to "to go wrong," or "to go bad." Since the "schon" part makes the sentence more relaxed, this is a funny ironical way of telling someone that everything will be okay. I suppose this is similar to the idea behind "break a leg" in English. 

Anyway, I am out. 

I wish you somethin'...

P.S: the weird American way of putting commas and periods inside quotations even if they don't belong there is really weird and something I am trying to get used to...

Journaling

Hi void.... 

Rihanna "unfaithful" has been playing in my head recently because I have been cheating on you. I started journaling more frequently, and this time it sort of works. I have always liked the idea of journaling, but I would always still be too distracted by social media and other nonsense, and I would never want to slow down and journal. 

Now, I have no more social media to argue with people on and even, on YouTube, I deactivated my watch history, so that the only things that I see are my subscriptions. Then I started journaling and my life improved perfectly. Now please buy this expensive notebook using this affiliate link and get 20% off! Lol jk. I still did not journal, but let's take a step back to the beginning of November 2023.

I was considering bullet journaling, but even that felt pointless because I don't have any tasks or things to write about. What should I even write? I talked to my cousin about this, who uses physical notebooks to keep track of stuff, brain dump and document random stuff. I think he gave me the idea to write about whatever; if I am having a coffee, then I will write that I am doing that. 

The idea is that, sometimes, I felt like I didn't do anything all day, but if I kept track of every other little thing I did during the day, I would feel better about that day before going to bed. Napping, making some coffee, cooking and cleaning after yourself and maybe dealing with some paperwork are not always exciting, so we don't remember them.

Anyway, this is what November 4th looked like for me: 

And here is an extract from November 11th:

Note to past self: The girl math was worth it. I still have that coat and it is in perfect condition and I think I will be using it for another 2-3 years... so I guess it was pretty much for free, if I am not even earning money at this point by not having to buy another coat!

Anyway... I stopped after November 14th. I don't know why. I guess things got in the way, I still had youtube to steal my attention and I dunno.. it was just not my thing.

Enter end of August 2025 and I feel like doing all of this again. Since then, my cousin has told me about the app Obsidian which uses markdown files for all the notes. I now use it at work all the time. My cousin also showed me how he pretty much does something similar to what I did in November, but in Obsidian. He even prepends the date for each line, so that whenever he searches for something, he can immediately see what date it was on. 

I decided to do what I was doing that November, but in a little more detailed way. In Obsidian, you can have the app open a new note for the day based on a certain template that you can create. I have tried different templates for my bullet journaling, but this one has been working for me recently:

Inside Notes of the day I do my usual bullet journaling where I write little messages/notes about what I am doing or plan on doing or whatever. This part is the one that I write into regularly and looks like the notes in November, but I also decided to prepend the time. 

In What was good today? I force myself to write only the positive things about the day before going to sleep and if I feel like it. For example, today I would write "mostly chilled just like I planned on doing." 
In Details I refer to something in Notes of the day and talk more about it. This is where I post pictures and I go pretty much blogpost-style on it sometimes. The idea is that the notes of the day should just be short or a short summary of something. If I need to write more than a bullet point about a certain topic, I will add the details at the bottom. 

I have a negative thoughts note on my phone's native notes app because you can password-lock those. Obsidian uses markdown and you cannot really secure those files. Honestly, I doubt that someone will really want to break into my phone and try to steal my random ramblings or read them and be like "oh no, you worry about stuff or something upset you! How dare you?"

--

I am really enjoying this. Sometimes I write stuff in there like I would to my friends. I don't try to write perfect sentences, use correct punctuation, or even use just one language in one sentence. I also don't try to write every little thing anymore. It feels like I am socializing without socializing... just telling someone, my future self maybe, that "hey, I am awake and about to drink my coffee." I am sure most of it will be boring which is why I am considering making a "week highlight" note, where I write just the important stuff.. I dunno! I'll see what I am going to do with this, but I know I will love looking back at these in the future just like I love looking back at some random journals and things I wrote years ago. 

If you wanna do this, my tip is to just start writing. Start with a simple structure, maybe even just all in one file/note and go from there. It is your notes and your journal, you can change it as much as you want until you find something that works for you without giving anyone a two-week notice or and waiting on their approval. If you start digitally, then you have even less excuses to not start because if you really are unhappy with the structure you started with, you can just reorganize your notes! What you will love looking at is the text you wrote, not the way you structured it.

Confusing German language stuff

 Hi! Today I am gonna talk about some random German nonsense that made me go "but why" or "wtf." 

What the hell are gendered languages? 

You can skip this if you already know, but in German, Spanish, Romanian and, dunno, probably some Slavic languages, nouns like table or cat have a birth-assigned gender associated to them that you must reluctantly keep in mind when you want to use the word and say things like "tables" or "a table" or "the table" or even "big table."

If you don't speak a gendered language, this is confusing. Why on Earth is a table a he... or is it a she? Who knows! In romance languages you can kind of guess what gender it is based on the vowel the word ends in:

The sky in Spanish is "el cielo". It ends in -o, so it is masculine. The way we say "the" in this case is "el".

The moon in Spanish is "la luna". It ends in -a, so it is feminine. The way we say "the" in this case is "la".

Problem in Spanish is "problema". It ends in -a, so it is... a Greek word so for some reason it is masculine and you have to say el problema. 

If it's already so illogical in Spanish, just wait until you learn German because: 

the masculine "the" is "der"

the feminine "the" is "die"

the neuter "the" is das 

the plural "the" is "die"

These also change depending on the way you use them in a sentence, but I won't get into that now. So how do you know which word uses what? Well, you don't haha! Their our know rools. Ok there are some rules, like all words ending in -ung or -keit are feminine, but I won't get into that now. In most cases it is random or some words even have two genders for two different meanings. 

Oh and if you are wondering why you we call these genders mostly feminine, masculine or neuter and not "birds" "bees" and "plan b," it is because you refer to these words by the feminine, masculine and neuter pronouns. It is kind of like in English people call ships and cars "she." Wellm in German you call a table "he", a tomato "she" and a little girl "it"... I will get into that later.

Gender curiosities

Regardless of what these words mean, do you notice a pattern here?

Das Haus -> die Häuser 

Das Kind -> die Kinder

Das Buch -> die Bücher

Das Loch -> die Löcher

Das Tuch -> die Tücher

----------   -> die Ränder

The left side is a singular form and the right side is the plural form of the word. It seems like in order to form the plural of  a "das" word you just add "-er" to it and put two dots (called umlauts) on a, u or o. It makes sense, so if we filled in the blanks, it should obviously be

    Das Rand -> die Ränder

Yep! Congrats... you can think logically. But languages are completely illogical and "Rand" is a "der"-word. So it is "der Rand -> die Ränder". This is super uncommon and random in German, but here we go. The word means "margin" which is obviously such a special word to be such a special exception. 

Also check this out:

Der Teil (the part)

Das Teil (the part)

What the..... ? Why does it have two genders? 

Well, Der Teil refers to a part of something that you cannot just break into pieces, like your part of your garden or earth. 

Das Teil can kind of be replaced with "piece" because it is a part that you can separate from something big, like a piece of chocolate or dunno.

It gets better!

Das Band -> die Bänder (plural is logical at least based on the rule above lol)

Der Band -> die Bände

Die Band -> die Bands

All of these words mean different things based on the gender lol. 

Das Band -> conveyor belt, ribbon and other meanings

Der Band -> volume of a book, tome

Die Band -> this one is the English word "band" meaning a musical group. It is also pronounced like "Bend" so it sounds different than the other two, but in written form they look exactly the same. 

Other German things that I am like "wtf" about:

be-words

In German adding "be-" before a word kind of means you apply your action on something or someone. This is not a rule, but it is true in most cases.

Suchen means to search, besuchen means to visit someone.

Schützen means to protect, beschützen is when you protect someone

Zahlen means to pay, bezahlen is when you pay someone or something.

Kochen means to cook, bekochen is when you cook someone? Nope! It means to cook for someone! LOL.

At my previous job we had a thing called "Kollege bekocht Kollegen" which means "coworker cooks for coworker." I could not help and think that we are cooking our coworkers. In my mind this will forever be "to cook someone."

Dutch and German stuff 

Speaking of cooking someone or something by accident, the past tense of the Dutch word for "to buy", kopen, is "gekocht", which is the past tense of German "kochen". When a Dutch person says "ik heb een kat gekocht" (lit. I have a cat bought), to a German speaker it sounded like they cooked a cat. 

However, Dutch people probably also think that Germans are freaks because if you walk into a store in Germany where someone might actually want to attend to their customers, they will ask you "Kommen Sie klar?" (lit "do you come clearly?"). To a German ear it just means "are you doing okay? Do you need any help? Are you finding everything you need?" whereas to the Dutch ears it sounds like "are you cumming?😩💦." 

German prepositions

Listen, prepositions suck in every language. You get into the car, but on the plane, wtf are you doing on the plane? Get inside the plane!

In German you can be interested in something or you can "interest yourself in something." However, the prepositions change:

You are interessiert an something, but you interessierst yourself für something. Why? Why can I not interessiert my ass an something or be interessiert für something? Same for two words that mean "connected." You are verbunden mit something, but gebunden an something. 

What's up with the little girl?

The word for "girl" in German is "das Mädchen." Yes, it is neuter and in theory you would have to refer to a girl by "it." Most people nowadays however refer to girls as "she" even if they still say "das Mädchen." 

So what the hell is up with das Mädchen? Well, this happens when you are obsessed with rules and have no exceptions for them. The suffix "-chen" makes a word "smaller", but also gives the noun a neuter gender. 

The word "Mädchen" is derived from the feminine word "die Magd", which means "maid" or "handmaid" or something. No one uses that word anymore. A little "Magd" is made smaller by adding "-chen" to the end of the word, thus getting "Mädchen."

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking two things:

1. Wow that is weird, but at least it makes sense! The German language is not sexist or anything.. Umm maybe, maybe not, because I have not been able to find an explanation for the word "das Weib". This word is related to the English "wife", but in German it is a derogatory word for women, kind of like gymcels calling women "females" in English. At least the plural is logical and it becomes "die Weiber"...

2. Ngl, they should just use another word and give it the feminine gender. They do. They use the English word "girl"... yaaay. Now the world makes sense! Nope. They still say "das Girl." Yep... I don't get it either, but don't think too much and speak more! That is my new motto for language learning. 

Anyway, that is it for today. Auf Wiedersehen! 

 

Random biking fears on a Sunday

Hi!

I got a tip from a work colleague to go out biking on Sunday when people are still asleep so that I can practice biking on the bike paths on the street where the big evil cars usually go too. However, since I only learned to ride a bike this year at 30 years old and since I also happen to sleep on Sunday mornings, I just went a little later. 

My boyfriend had a German class from 10 am, so I went out all on my own during his lesson. I am emphasizing that I went on my own because he would always just come with me... kind of like a dad who reluctantly goes out with his kid to sit around and watch the kid ride the bike and fall on their face while trying to show him this new trick. Except that I do no tricks. I just try not to fall on my face or run people over.

I have this stupid irrational fear that a neighbor or someone will just stop and talk to me about my bike and ask me why I am not riding to the park near me or why I walk along my bike a lot... Oh God, what if they find out that I am an impostor and have only learned to ride a bike recently? Will I be miscommunicated from the imaginary community I live in? I *must* have a guardian with me to deter any people from trying to talk to me and find the real embarrassing truth about me.

I know this is completely irrational and dumb, so I went out on my own in order to show to my brain that this is stupid. It then proceeded to tell me that if I fell or hurt myself, there wouldn't be anyone to help me... because you know... I don't have a phone with me or even a watch that connects to the phone and I can use. Hell, I can even talk to my phone wherever the hell it is and ask for help if need be.

Anyway, I went to this park from which you can view this walkable rollercoaster called Tiger & Turtle in Duisburg. All around this thing there are paths you can walk or bike on and there are also paths that you can use to go up to it... but I ain't doing that on a bike, at least not until I have the body of one single athlete and not of ten of them. 

Biking is not easy when you are overweight, and there might be something wrong with your bike, so I would bike for 5-10 minutes and then relax for another 10-15 mins or just walk around my bike. While it was strenuous and stuff, since this was slightly more exercise than going from my desk to my couch, I really enjoyed it. The weather was really nice and I stopped on a bench when I had this moment of... freedom. 

Now I think I understand why people go on bike rides or hikes or whatever.  I was sitting on that bench making sure my lungs worked properly by willingly doing some ✨ heavy breathing exercises ✨ when I started just looking around. I saw FIVE seniors on e-bikes riding into my field of vision and another three coming from the opposite direction. I saw birds and rabbits and I started wondering about what I should do next. That is when it hit me. There was no "should" there. I could just walk home if I wanted to. I could ride the bike a little more. I could leave this area entirely and go to some other park or a supermarket's parking lot where there definitely was no one. I could do whatever I wanted! It was just me, the good weather and the bike. The world was mine. Mwhahah!

I love this feeling. I have feelings similar to these when I am on vacation and just chilling in my hotel room before heading out, but this one felt more intense somehow. I suppose, on vacation, I semi force myself sometimes to do things because I won't be there forever, but here... I can come to this place every day or even multiple times a day... so I am free to do whatever I want. 

I decided to finish going around the rollercoaster thing with like 1-2 breaks in-between. This one time I was biking on my own, trying to bike slower and relax a bit hoping that that would make it a more pleasant experience, when I noticed someone running behind me. There was this, hmm, let's say 58 year old, man behind me jogging... and I had to make space for him so that he could pass me. Yes, a jogger passed me, even though I was on a bike. And I am out there worrying about running people over... the wind was blowing faster than I was riding that bike...

Anyway, this was really fun. I have other things I wanna post about, but I started writing about this and this post is pretty long already. See you next time! 

New look and old new macbook

Blog look:

I decided to change the theme of my blog. I am keeping it very simple. Currently there is a background image, you can see a few entire posts and all the other information like the about page and search bar is at the bottom. The idea is to just come here and read and not be distracted by anything else on the page. 

Macbook:

Two weeks ago I decided to become a "bookworm" for the two weeks in a row. Well that has not been very successful since I have been sick and stuff, but I actually found something else to focus on... 

Back in 2021 I rented a macbook air with the M1 chip. I had never owned a mac, so I thought that as a developer I should more or less know how to use one. I ended up buying one because I loved that it had no fans, never got hot and the battery lasted like 10-12 hours. Until then I had only been used to SCORCHING HOT laptops or tablets with like a 3 hour battery life tops.

I have used it on and off since, but I've never bothered customizing it, tinkering with stuff or even actually learning how to use it properly. It has always felt more like a temporary laptop where I had no idea what was going on. It even updated its operating system three times until now and I barely noticed it.

One day this week, I decided to declutter my desktop and change a few things. Yeah, umm.. I ended up getting mad at this laptop because I didn't know how to create a folder inside another folder in list view. Apparently you have to open the folder you are interested in and THEN create the folder. I then rage quit when I wanted to right click inside this new folder and click on "new text file". Macs don't do that. You open the app and then save, not the other way around.

I realized that it was time for me to consider selling this macbook and getting myself a lightweight windows laptop. Unfortunately I was unable to find something that could replace it that was good on battery, lightweight and didn't get hot. Also, I hate the idea of selling electronics to random people on the internet which is why I am happy to announce that I partnered up with lol jk. This laptop is brand new so it was actually time for me to learn how to use it and make it mine. 

All I have been doing the end of last week and this current week has been binge watching videos by macmost on youtube, who I have been subscribed to, probably since 2021. After spending time to learn the macos way and all the other tricks and key combinations and what not, I now actually feel like this laptop is starting to become mine. I've practiced a lot of what I've learned by finishing decluttering my desktop and files on my cloud storage that now I have everything set up exactly how I want it to be. It is starting to feel more like home. At some point I felt so motivated that I even decluttered my physical desktop so now it is not just a mess full of medicine, notebooks, pens, chargers and all kind of random stuff.

All in all it has been fun to take the time to learn how to use this thing and I am still in utter disbelief that I had to learn how to save a file as a pdf and even edit it, as a millennial in 2025. 

Short content on this blog

 Hiii I am posting tiktoks now!!! Before you close this blogpost and hate me for it, please hear me out! I don't think tiktok and the likes are bad for you. It is all just entertainment and how can entertainment be bad for us? The tiktok I am sharing right now is about how social media is good for us and how we should be using it in our blogs! I know... I didn't think this existed either, but there are blogfluencers and they are really good and interesting. So click now and get blogfluenced and you won't regret it! :) 

(do click it, it is not really tiktok lel. if nothing happens, sorry, the code is dead.)

ok actually fuck that.

However, I kind of find myself wanting to post more, but not having the patience or energy to write an entire long post about something or even to just stick to one topic.

In my attempt to find more personal amateur po.. *cough* blogs... blogs, I have noticed that a lot of people just write small posts that are like 1-2 paragraphs long or just post one or two pictures or some links and call it a day. I kind of wanna do that too. 

This weekend I decided to learn to use the macbook that I have had for 5 years now and "make it mine". I reorganized some files, set up some cloud stuff where I need it and decided on how to go about doing certain things. I think I want to do the same with this blog. 

My plan is to have three types of posts and maybe separate them by labels or categories or something. The long essay-like ones that stick to one topic, the short ones that are more frequent and about whatever and the ones about how well or poorly I managed to stick to my goals for the current week.

If you just stumbled upon this post, I wrote last week that every Sunday I want to decide on what to focus on the following week and make it "my personality" because preassuring myself into doing things seems to work

Oh and this was super difficult to pull off. I had to use some javascript which was ok, but on the main page you can see a snippet of the post's content so I had to write some nonsense at the top that filled it up. This would be easier if I had my own domain and own blog website, but whatever! I also thought about actually linking a real tiktok and manipulating its behavior with javascript but ugh, too much work and I don't want it to be too real either.

Anyway, nice seeing you! Have a great day and stuff!

What I learned from showering naked for the last 30 years

Hello void,

I have been thinking lately about the fact that I think a lot, but don't do shit. I want to read, code, learn French, ride my bike, watch more movies, hang out with people more, play games, clean up, cook new dishes or, dunno, try out something new, but I never get to it. Some of it makes sense, like being sick or the weather being insanely hot, but the reason why I don't do anything is mostly because I just feel meeeeh or overstimulated or understimulated. It might be ADHD too. I don't think I am depressed. 

Anyway, I remember reading somewhere that changes come with an identity shift. You are doing something new that is not part of your identity, so you could try to assume your identity already in order to accommodate your new behavior instead of hoping the behavior will stick and change your identity.

My plan is pretty much to fake it until I make it. Every Sunday I will be deciding on what "my identity" will be for the following week and I will try to live it the best I can. The thing is, I do not want to go extreme. This is not supposed to be an extremist go big or go home situation. It is more of a project situation where you can approach it in different ways and tackle different aspects of it depending on what you feel like. 

The idea is to keep the focus of whatever I want to do that week. I won't pretend I am an athlete who already knows what to eat, is used to it, and can work out for hours every day. If I wanted to be more physically active, I would just think of what I could do to achieve that. I could spend my entire week reading about it or I could just not buy groceries for the week and go to the store every day. The stores are like 5 minutes away. One day I may feel super motivated and walk 10k steps. Who knows?

Why I think this might work:

1. If I am bored, I can just ask what my identity would do. (yes, I did think of titling this post "What would Jesus do?")
2. It feels exciting because I am pretending to be someone else, like a spy or some shit. 
3. It feels official. I am not just trying to read a lot now because it would be nice, but because that is who I am now!!! Yeah! A bookworm! You have no idea who you are messing with, boy! Anyway...
4. I suppose this is more of a focus shift, something like the Italian week at Lidl or Aldi or whatever supermarket of your choice. Everything is normal, but with a focus on a certain topic. 
5. Worst case scenario, I can just do something else next week. 
6. Bonus points: I can just talk about it on the blog or write down notes, making it into a real project and maybe one week pick up right where I left off. 
7. The idea is not really progress, but to do shit. Even if I do 52 different things and get nowhere in any of my goals... at least I did shit. I did 52 different things during the year. Yay to me!

The more I read what I wrote, the more adhd-like it seems. I need a plan to do shit I genuinely enjoy... like what? 

Anyway, since I may be doing different shit every week, I thought this sounded like one of those videos where people are like  "I only took cold showers for a year" or "I lived without my phone for a month" which is why I chose this title lol.

So yeah void, you are screwed because you just messed with someone who reads for fun now! That's what I will be doing this week. I even have a physical magazine ready to go for when I feel meh!

P.S. I once told myself that "I am a person whose kitchen sink is always clean." and I actually peer-preassured myself into cleaning the damn kitchen sink before going to bed, so it sort of works lol. 

Stuck in your patterns explained better.. hopefully

Hi!

I just came from my vacation in Norway and Denmark and I have been thinking about my last post. I tried to express the idea that I believe that we can get stuck in our own routines, rituals and thinking patterns that there is probably no way out until you happen upon someone or something that slowly influences you until you become a different person. After writing and rewriting that post for two hours, I think I still did not manage to capture what I had in mind, so I am going to try again.

What I have been trying to describe is the awareness that comes from a break from your routine. It can come from either going on vacation, hanging out with someone or just having a cold and thinking about how good you had it when you were able to breathe. It can also be the moment when you realize you can use your kitchen table to fold laundry on it instead of breaking your back on the floor or bed like you have been doing for the last two years. It can be the moment when you realize you can have chicken nuggets with fries for dinner or just skip it entirely. It can be the moment when you do the most random things that you normally wouldn't do. 

My question is... how do we get more of these moments and especially ones that change us long term? For instance, how does someone go from worrying about keeping their home perfectly clean all the time to realizing that they don't need to? How does one go from having a messy home to realizing that they can keep a home clean, but it takes time to learn how to do it and build routines and that it is okay to take it slowly? How does one go from hating the idea of biking because they cannot ride a bike to realizing it is never too late to learn to ride a bike and enjoy it? 

In my previous post I said that we would need to be consistently surrounded by people with different lives than us until we get influenced into a new direction. I still believe that that may be the fastest way of achieving this, but I now also believe that being on the look out for inspiration, trying out new things just for the sake of it and maybe questioning the things that cause us distress may at least point us into the right direction.

Stuck in your own patterns (clickbait? Dunno)

There is a thing that I have had on my mind for a while now. When I moved to Germany with my mom, we lived in the same household until I was 27 years old. I will be writing about what it was like to live with my parents in another post, but the reasons why I took so long to move out pretty much circle around finances, language barriers and navigating life in a new country not being something very easy, especially for my Romanian mom and later her partner too. 

My parents are quite simple people who don't really do much apart from working and stressing over everything. Living with them meant that I became just like them. I would freak out about every little thing, be anxious all the time and make fun of anything that was atypical of me. "Oh you are out there climbing mountains or crocheting? Pfff I would never do something like that! Just buy a blanket or go sit by a lake or something". To that now I say "who asked?" Why would I just discourage people from doing what they wanted just because I wouldn't do it? Why would I feel the need to justify my not doing the same thing another person does?

Unfortunately, life in Romania kind of was like this. I cannot really blame anyone for it. When everyone stresses out about everything, worries about what other people say and discourages you from change, you end up like this. There are obviously exceptions and not everyone cares or dislikes the same things, but you get the idea. If this sort of mindset has not died down on its own throughout generations, it is clear to me that it is something you can just be stuck in without realizing you don't have to live this way. 

Whenever I met my boyfriend, a lot of things changed. He was, and still is, a pretty chill person and would not stress over every little thing like I did. He cares about "worldly things" like art, fancy dinners, owning slightly more expensive things, looking good or just trying out something new. Don't get me wrong, he is not some posh bougie person who would scream and faint at the sight of fries, chicken nuggets and mini pizza bites from the freezer on our dinner table. We actually don't even have a dinner table. We eat at our desks and that was actually our dinner once as you can see; and yes it tasted as "good" as it looks, lol. Anyway, he just likes indulging in a little something sometimes or learning and experiencing new things.  

Eventually I learned to stress less and enjoy life more just because and without any excuse. There is a phrase that Germans use all the time to justify doing anything for themselves and that is "man gönnt sich ja sonst nie was". Literally translated this means "one does not grant themselves anything otherwise anyway". Who says German words are long now, huh? Anyway, a more suitable English translation would probably be "you rarely do something nice for yourself anyway", so you might as well do it now... and now... and now. 

The reason why I am mentioning all of this is because I feel like no matter how many videos I'd watched, books I'd read, reflected on a better life or interacted with people who live "better" or more enjoyable lives, I would have never gotten to this point in my life without an "external person" being around me daily and influencing me into this direction. 

This makes me wonder, what if I had never met my partner? What if I had met someone just like me or "worse"? What am I missing out on right now and what person do I need to come across next in order to experience it? Just to be clear, I am not talking about doing more of something or having more opportunities or money to do things because of one person, but actually going through a change in perspective, in your thought patterns, I suppose, pretty much becoming a different person than you are today.

Unfortunately, I have no idea what to do to have more eye opening experiences like these. I think we need consistent awkwardness, discomfort and anxiety in our lives this, but it is not easy. Any identity changes will be met with resistance from your peers and probably even from your subconscious. Consistency is definitely the key because you are also fighting against yourself and will eventually give up because "this new person is not me" or "I just cannot this! This would be so unpredictable of me to do!." In case of an external person, you kind of have no choice but to be influenced and you can sort of blame them for your change in behavior. You are doing something that is not typical of you because of this other person even if it is something you have always wanted to do. 

So yeah, I dunno. Always try out new things that you don't care about? Be the odd one out there? Make a list? Journal? Become hated or be a hater? Don't do anything and live your life the way it is now because it's pretty good the way it is anyway? No idea, but it's definitely something to think about...

Note: I think I have been writing and rewriting this post for like two hours now. LOL. The current post looks nothing like what it looked like an hour ago, so, I hope you have enjoyed every little l e t t e r because I have been meaning to go make myself a sandwich for an hour now and my tea is already cold because I forgot about it. If something does not make sense, too bad, I guess. My ass is WET from sitting here because it's 30C here and I don't have AC. 

My hand me does bad

Ma main me fait mal... or in normal English, my hand hurts today because I used it intensively for like probably a total of five entire minutes.

I know what you're thinking and you should get your head out of the gutter because God is watching you read this very post and is already judging your for it... or maybe (singular-)they are judging me for this post. 

The reason why my hand hurts today is because I decided to do something that I do not regularly do anymore. Back in the day, when I was a young child (shout out to all old children?!),  I would always be caught with this thing in my hand (you're helpless...) that I believe was or is still called a pen. I would use it a lot in school, at home, in the park, everywhere, to write something down, kind of like I am doing it now on my blog, but less fast and using fewer fingers and even fewer hands. Although, now that I think about it, when I type on my phone, I actually use fewer fingers now! Wow, take that, school! 

I actually still remember one of my teachers complaining about the increasing use of computers by my generation and how "we will all forget how to write by hand and instead only be typing". I thought that that was the stupidest thing a boomer could have said because back then Facebook (or meta, MAGA, littlezucksocialmedia or whatever it is called now) didn't really exist and because it would have been completely impractical to walk around with your desktop computer. I mean sure, you could use a laptop, if you were so rich and fancy, but why would you want lug that heavy thing around with you(rself?) just to write down a grocery list or some note that you will immediately forget about?

Ummm... well, that aged like milk. Yummy! Now that phones exist and we can use our two little thumbs (or BUG THUNBS) to write down everything we need, there are times when I have not held a pen and written anything down by hand in weeks. Yes, weeks, not even days. This kind of reminds me of when I used to make fun of gen z wanting to get a text before getting a call or being unable to read an analog clock... Anyway, please do not call me (without texting me first).

I have been struggling to learn French for years now because I was not happy with the idea of moaning in public while I speak. I am not that scared of the grammar, the spelling is readable, the words are not easy to spell, but the nasal vowels are a nightmare for me. However, since plenty of languages use them and I could have almost always used French on some of my trips and vacations, I decided that this year I was going to learn some French! 

Anyway, now it is June 20th and I have barely done anything expect for listening to music and watching a video here and there. Since I can speak Romanian, English and a few words of Spanish, I can skip the actual learning part and dive into consuming content. Yes, this way of learning is annoying, time-consuming and very disappointing at times, but it has worked for me before, so here I am doing it again. Wait, did it even work, if I am doing it again? Anyway... 

I will spare you the boring details, but the tl;dr version of this is that I subscribed to a German magazine for French learning which contains lots of articles in French for different levels and my plan is to take time during the day to fight my way through some texts and write down some words. It also comes with some listening practice and some book with exercises. This way I can disconnect, learn some stuff, use my hand for good, (or bad because I will be complaining a lot in French once I'm fluent), and just have fun. I do not really do this as regularly as I would like to, but that is a story for another blogpost.

So yes, if you have read everything until now, you literally just read a post about me talking about the most basic thing as if it's one of the worst inconveniences and something out of this world. Congrats! You could have cleaned up, watered those plans or done something better with your time, like learning how to read an analog clock. Yes, and yes... I am embarrassed. 

Urlaub auf Balkonien

Greetings from Balconia!

Today is Monday and I have a day off because it is a public holiday in Germany. Since I had not planned on going anywhere on my three-day weekend, I started thinking about what to do at home. It was going to rain, and it did most of the time. On Saturday I was going to babysit my parents' dog because my mom and her partner were going out for her birthday, which I was happy to hear about because they never go out anywhere.

I love being at home. I love having a day or two where all I can do is relax and enjoy being in the moment. I love waking up whenever I want to, making myself some breakfast and tea or coffee and just enjoying it on the balcony forgetting about time and responsibilities.  

That is usually the plan, but I have lived enough days as an adult to realize that my weekends are never this relaxing. I usually wake up earlier than I would on a work day, I try to sleep in some more and then once I am finally awake, I start thinking about all the things that need to be done. Since stores are closed on Sundays and public holidays, I panically worry about everything that I need to buy and cannot live one, or in this case, two days without. I also finally have the time to do more laundry, clean more, fix that thing, reorganize whatever closet or bake something or...or I could just enjoy my day and not worry too much about everything that needs to be done.

This made me think about what my days look like whenever I am traveling and staying at a hotel. I wake up and lounge around in bed for as long as I want to. At some point I get hungry and look up places to go have breakfast or lunch. I buy stuff, come back to the hotel, get out again, come back and take a nap and eventually go out again. There is nothing to worry about, there are no rules, time goes by and I am out there just living my life. So how can I live more like this during my weekends?

Urlaub auf Balkonien

To generalize, Germans are masters when it comes to vacation. They always plan things months, if not years, in advance and are gone for days or even weeks at a time multiple times a year. As a German, you must always have at least one vacation planned per year, but what does one do if they cannot go anywhere? That is when you get to spend your time off on the wonderful isles of Balconia where everything is as affordable as your rent is and as expensive as you want it to be.

The title of this post translates to "vacation on Balconia". The use of "auf" (meaning on) instead of "in" makes it sound like Balconia is some island or some resort where it is always sunny, hot and all you do is treat yourself by the pool, just like you would on a real all-inclusive vacation.

I have honestly never been a fan of just relaxing by the beach. I do love swimming and could spend half a day just swimming and floating around, but I would eventually get bored and want to do something. However, what I do miss on my weekends is that worry-free feeling I get whenever I do not have an entire day figured out. It is okay if I only have chips or cake for dinner, I am on vacation after all. It is okay if I just sleep all day and then go out drinking, I am on vacation after all. It is okay if I only do one or two things, I am on vacation after all.  "I am on vacation after all" became my mantra for the next few days.

On Friday, I turned off my computer when I was done with work, checked my phone for a bit and then just sat on the balcony. I just sat there for a while either reading a book or listening to a podcast while drinking tea and eating cookies. Once it got dark and a little cold, I decided to have some "self-care time" and I trimmed my beard and showered for like 30 minutes instead of 10. I did find myself rushing through my shower, but I stopped and reminded myself that "I am on vacation after all". 

On Saturday, my partner and I successfully decided on what we wanted to cook for dinner for the next days, so we went and bought whatever we needed for it. Later that day, I tried to make some Turkish gözleme, and whenever I bake, no matter how well I prepare things in advance, it gets messy. My parents were kind enough to bring us dinner when they were done with their trip, so we did not have to cook. Unfortunately, most of my Saturday did feel as hectic and rushed as usual. I was not on vacation after all.

On Sunday, my partner made me French toast for breakfast which was absolutely amazing. I actually sat on the balcony with the plate in my hand just enjoying it. After the third smaller slice, I did have to get up and try to dilute the sugar in my blood with some water. I know Sunday was yesterday, but I swear I cannot remember else I did. I know I read a litte bit from the book I am currently reading (Enough is enuf by Gabe Henry), watched some youtube, washed and dried some laundry or rather had the machines do that for me. Was I on vacation after all? Maybe.

Today, I actually did not sleep very well and woke up with a headache. I took some ibuprofen because I feel I may be coming down with a cold. I baked some croissants - don't get too excited, it was that dough from a can and explodes in your hand when you open it -, and had those for breakfast. I have just been chitchatting with some friends while listening to music. I suppose what I have in store for today is folding some of yesterday's laundry while listening to a podcast, doing lots of reading on the balcony and ending the day by watching some Schitt's Creek with my boyfriend. It is a public holiday after all.

Remembering basic things

 Hi!

Another Sunday, another internal pressure to post something! Even though currently I am not thinking about this because I have been busy becoming more stable on my bike, there is something that I have had on my mind and wanted to write about.

I was born in 1994 in Romania and spent all of my childhood and teenage life there. From what I remember life was pretty simple back then. Most people would get their milk and other dairy products from the market or from the "milk man" that everyone knew and trusted. The market is still real, but I don't know how good it is still is. Most people went to the corner shops across the street for their groceries where one would simply wait in line, tell the clerk through a small window what they wanted and then pay in cash and leave. In most shops, however, you would be able to walk in and look at what you want before waiting in line and telling the employee to get you what you want. I still remember this corner building by my apartment.

There were three shops: two shops that could probably fit 4 customers inside at a time where I would buy bread and milk, soda and candy. For some reason we never bought cold cuts and meat from there, but we did go to other corner stores where that is all we bought. Then there was another shop where there was no inside. Well, the woman working there was inside and you would be outside separated by a table and a big scale. The woman was selling vegetables and fruits. 

She would write down everything I asked for on a piece of paper and calculate it all in her head before telling me the final price. She would double check it with her calculator sometimes, but I think she was trying to keep her mind fit by also doing it in her head. I remember waiting in line, sometimes in the rain, no phone to distract me, getting the groceries, making some small talk, getting asked about my parents and other things. She knew me and my family and we knew her.

This is how people shopped until supermarkets showed up. I can genuinely still remember my mom talking about how much more practical a supermarket was because you could just grab your cart, walk around, take your time and then go to pay when you are ready without inconveniencing anyone who maybe wanted to buy just a thing or two and be out. At the little corner shops you would have to wait until the person in front of you was done with their shopping list. 

Another thing that I remember is bakeries. I have a distinct memory of visiting my grandma who lived in a pretty rough part of the city and how she would ask me to go buy some bread. I would go to the bakery in the neighborhood where people would still bake things from scratch. There was just an open window, a handwritten menu taped to it above the opening and a baker dressed all in white asking you what you wanted. In the back you would see crates of different types of goods that were going to get baked. These people actually started work super early and were probably already open by 5 am. 

I also remember a burger place by the tram station. I was very young and the owner already knew me because I would go there pretty often. You would just wait outside, order through the little opened window and then get your food to go. This one time they raised the prices, but since there was no way I could have known, the owner let me pay the old price.  It was such a wholesome experience even bumping into him years later after the shop closed down. 

I can't think of other examples right now, but I feel like back then we also had way more handmade things, whether it was food or a vase or even complete furniture pieces. Someone always knew someone who could do something for you. I sometimes think about how people used to live and work in the same house for generations, probably before industrialization happened. Working from home now and even being able to employ your entire family just does not happen anymore and when it does, it is a huge privilege for everyone. 

So yeah, what is life like now?

Now you go to stores and restaurants, where all you care about is the products. You put them in your cart, rush to the checkout, maybe make small talk with the cashier that you barely know and is too tired and underpaid to care and you go home. Honestly, sometimes it is nice to not be interrogated about your entire family when all you need is some bread, so I am not too sorry about that.

Now a homemade sweater that grandmas would have made for you and costs 500€ is fancy. It can be worse and cost like 50€ and be made by slaves somewhere in Asia because have you ever tried to make a sweater? That shit takes you months and good materials cost a fortune. 

One organic gmo-free, gluten free and grass fed banana for 10€ is fancy. Buying baked goods or food made by the hands of the owner that you can personally talk to, is fancy, expensive and a privilege.

Now even the internet without ads which includes youtube, news websites etc is a privilege that costs you money. I recently went on an official German dictionary website and thought I had accessed a scammy copy version of it because of the amount of ads. 

I just hate it how so many things that were just normal and common have been replaced by chains, ads and subscriptions while the real thing is only available to privileged people who are willing to pay the price for it. I have yet to find a bakery in my town that is not a chain and does not just heat up frozen stuff they get delivered. The last one I knew of here closed down and it was run by Turkish people. Maybe that is where I should look again... 

Anyway, let's hope this post goes viral once other normal shit that we have now becomes fancy and expensive, like owning music, software, movies or even the devices we use. 

See you

Learning how to ride a bike

 Hi there!

Note: I have not proofread any of this and I will probably correct it later, but anyway... here it comes!

I was actually planning on writing about why I don't like the way the internet is nowadays, or rather how we interact with content, but I don't feel like talking about that, so instead I decided to talk about my biking adventures...

Back in Nepal where... ok nevermind. I am not THAT adventurous, however after 30 years of being unable to ride a bike, I finally learned how to do it. I found a nice course that helped me learn and it was such a good course that after 4 hours we were all able to ride the bike pretty confidently. 

The course began by all of us introducing ourselves and saying what we expected from the course. Some people wanted to just be able to go on small bike tours with their kids while other people wanted to use their bikes to commute or just be able to go to more places without relying on their cars. The course took place on the grounds of where their official building was. There were some cobblestones and stuff, but it was alright.

The scooter

We were all given these scooters that were as big as regular bikes. The first thing we learned was to pull on the brakes and try to stand on the scooter with both of our feet until we inevitably fell to one side. That way we learned a bit about our balance and that it is completely normal to eventually stop and lean towards one side. Once we were used to that the next step was trying to push ourselves with one foot and try to keep our balance until the scooter stops and, as previously experienced, we'd lean to one side. We were encouraged to always stop the scooter by pressing the rear brake first. For this we also used a section of the place we were on that had a small incline so we would not need to push ourselves too much. 

At first it is really weird and you brake a lot because you feel like you are going to fall. The trick was to put your foot down and push yourself some more until you get enough speed and you stay "in air". We did not have to put our second foot back on it, we would just keep it next to the scooter in air. 

The bike

Step 1:

At this point we were able to ride these scooters so well that a couple of us considered only getting a scooter if we were not able to learn a bike because they were so much fun! 

The bikes we were given were already adjusted to our weight, which we had been asked about days before the course took place, by email. Everything was ready for us. In order to learn to ride the bike we went to this parking lot of the city's town hall where there only a few cars parked. The advantage of the parking lot was obvious. There was way more space and the parking lot also had a decline which was a big advantage for us later on. 

The bikes had no petals on. The seat was adjusted in such a way that we could fully reach the ground with our feet. We were then asked to just push ourselves with our feet and learn to keep our balance. Just like with the scooter, it was pretty difficult at first, but we got the hang of it at some point. Here too, we were encouraged to use the rear breaks to stop whenever we felt unsure. At this point we had practiced braking so often that it had become second nature. Our instructors told us they did not want to see us scream and jump off the bike, but rather brake and get off the bike gently. 

We practiced this for an hour or so and then once we were all able to pretty much ride the bike between our legs, we were given one pedal. We first started with our dominant foot and yes a lot of us struggled to figure out which one that was. For me it was the left one. So I learned to push the pedal with my foot on position so that it is like 2' o'clock or 10 o'clock, I don't remember exactly. The idea was to be able to push on it and get some speed. 

We practiced starting our bike ride with the pedal and just going down the decline. It was weird at first again, but we eventually got used to it. While practicing it, we also tried to lift our other foot to where the second pedal would be. Not only did this keep with the balance but it prepared us for step 2. 

Step 2:

Step 2 was riding the bike with two pedals. Up until now we were already used to braking, starting off with one pedal and just keeping our balance while our second foot was where the second pedal is... so the second step was the easiest... we just rode off. It was crazy! Not only did it almost feel like second nature already because of all the steps before, but we were just riding our bikes! That was insane!

Ok we can ride the bikes, now what?

We were already "experts" so we practiced riding down the parking lot, braking. Looking left and right and going left or right around the entire parking lot. Once we were done with that, we practiced going slalom around some cones which was pretty damn difficult, but I kinda managed to go around some of it. After that we tried to go around two cones in an 8 shape which was super difficult. I would just almost fall off the bike and have to brake all the time. Once we were done with that, we rode our bikes around a tree making smaller and smaller circles. We also rode our bikes and tried following each other while keeping distance. That was pretty nice and easy to do 

What we would have also practiced:

Well, our asses were in pain, it was already a second day, so a lot of people dropped out by the end of the course, so we did not get to simulate incoming traffic and stuff. There was an option to actually go on a small bike tour, but I chickened out and just stayed on the parking lot to practice some more. Two women went and had lots of fun but were just EXHAUSTED from it. 

Thoughts about this blog

When I started this blog, I had no plans for it. Actually, I was even considering just writing nonsense sometimes, which I believe I have successfully done here. I had no plans for when to post things, what to post or if I should focus on one specific topic more than on the other. 

Today I decided to search for blogs and see if I was able to find any personal blogs that are still active and I found Ye Olde Blogroll. There are plenty of blogs on this website that are still active and that I will be checking out. I actually did read a few posts on one blog that completely resonated with me and sort of inspired me to think about mine for a little bit. What do I want to do here? I want to gather my thoughts, create my own space and just exist in the void. I want to write things down and be able to refer to them. I want... I don't know what I want.

However, I think a little bit of structure and planning would do me some good, so I've decided that I am going to try to write a post once a week about something from my life... It can be anything. It does not even have to be long. Actually, considering that this is my own space, their our know rools, so I suppose the only rules I will be abiding by are making some sense and posting weekly. 

Hi there void

 Yo!

I am planning on writing more on my computer and I think I may upload some stuff in here too! Now that I have no feed on Youtube and I do not have any other addictive platform on my phone, I am thinking of just looking stuff up and writing down notes or my thoughts about it. 

I have also kinda been consuming French content for beginners so I am also considering doing something for that. Writing conjugations, explaining grammar to myself, dunno. Just doing stuff for the sake of it! I have also been thinking of playing with creating my own language, but in a more structured and linguistically accurate way.

Instead of just consuming media on my phone, I will whip out my laptop, watch stuff, save the video or at least the link to it, write about it, think about it, hate on it, love it and just "create" as I go along.

I feel like creating stuff all the time, but I don't know what. I am not very handy, cooking and baking simply goes away in 5 minutes, either because it goes into the trash or because whatever I cooked was so damn good, everyone ate it in 5 minutes. Coding for fun instead of for money sounds like fun, but after a work of doing just that and making so many decisions, all I wanna do is exist. Sooo I think consuming and writing about it will be my "creating". 

Oh and speaking of cooking and baking... I started writing down some recipes from Youtube Videos I like, including pictures! This way if those videos get taken down, which has happened before, or I dunno, ww3 breaks out because of stupid men (I'm a man too btw), at least I will know how to make some cake with whatever leftover eggs and flour I have left in the first days of this war. 

I am also considering going away from blogger at some point, but I need to find an alternative. I am also kinda considering just getting my own domain and using some markdownToHtml tool and post stuff that way. We'll see, I guess. 

Anyway, that is it. Dunno what or when I am gonna post next, but who cares.

I am still alive

Dear void,

Je ne sais pas pourquoi mais je veux apprendre le français encore, maar morgen rijd ik naar Nederland om een vriend te ontmoeten so right now I am like that maybe I should learn Dutch, but French is also cool aber dieser Freund schreibt mir auch oft auf Spanisch. Ich spreche es nicht, aber kann es schon einigermaßen verstehen uneori 

Oh I also wanted to learn Turkish to be in on the gossip at the barbershop I go to... 

Anyway, I have no idea what I am gonna do... I know I need to do less addictive shit and focus on stuff... like maybe studying a language or something. 

Anyway pupici lol